i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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