you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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