honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
