I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
