I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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