First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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