This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
