maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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