According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
