Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
