Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
