You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Enjoy the penises
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize