i already hear my dad disowning me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
