So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
