I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
