I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
