He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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