Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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