I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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