He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize