Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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