that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize