Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
