your parents love me but you hate me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
