i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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