I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
