i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
