wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
