Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
