How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
