I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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