I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
