So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
