Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
