glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
