they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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