And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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