I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
