I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
