Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
