he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
