p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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