You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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