Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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