We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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