so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
