Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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