Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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