If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
