Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
