The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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