I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
