Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
