whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
