I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
