I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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