Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
