I'm passing your future prison.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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