dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize