Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
