Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
