i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
