so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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